Living With an Ex - Expectation & Advice
Well Howdy! April here to impart some wisdom with you all today! Before I get into it though I'd just like to thank anyone who's popped over from YouTube; welcome to the matching blog post! (Anyone reading this who's super confused, we make videos on each blog post topic, sooo if you're not feeling reading then treat yourself and watch the video instead ;) ) NOW LETS GET INTO THIS! Because there's a whole bunch to say! Whether you've been through living with an ex, going through it currently or are just reading up should it ever happen to you here's what you can expect.
What to Expect
- Fighting... So much fighting
Regardless if you broke up on good terms or bad, living in a confined space with someone you've been really close to can cause arguments. From my experience arguments always ended in me leaving the flat in the middle of the night with no where to go.
I guess this is part and parcel of fighting as even the smallest things will become massive argument opportunities. For example when I was living with my ex, he took the kettle into his bedroom because he was angry I was still using it to make tea.. (he didn't even use it, just hated the fact I was)
- Your stuff to get damaged or stolen
Obviously not everyone will do this kind of thing but both me and cole have had this happen to us so we felt it important to include. Usually your ex will find ways in which to anger/ get back at you and there is no better way than smashing up your most prized possessions.
- Attempts to relight that fire ;)
You used to be close and it's very easy to fall back into old habits. You might find yourself drunk knocking on their bedroom door or visa versa.
- New partner problems
It's not a nice feeling to think you're alone in the house with your ex then hear another voice too. For Cole his ex moved her new partner into the house, whereas mine refused to let me have any guys over; so expect a whole heap of problems like this!
How to deal with it!
- Stay calm!
It may sound silly but just breathe. Keep yourself calm and don't allow your emotions to overflow into a shouting match with your ex. If you need to go regular walks or have spa days then do just that. You are going through a tough time so don't forget to look after yourself and your own health.
- ignore them!
They're going to try and find ways to irritate and annoy you so don't give in to them; a shouting match is exactly what they want. Sometimes ignoring their pettiness is the best thing you can do (and it will annoy them more to see you don't care).
- Keep your valuables safe!
Remember your ex knows you and knows what possessions you love the most. If you think your ex is the type of person who would damage or steal your things, then you have to plan for it. Keep your valuables at a friends/family's house or invest in a small safe which you can hide somewhere in the house.
- Don't go relighting fires!
Lets remember there is a reason your broke up with your ex.. so don't go running back to them after your first drunken night apart. Sleeping with them will only complicate the boundaries you've built with them after breaking up and usually will make the house even more tense to live in. Just don't do it!
- New partners
Your ex is probably going to try make you jealous with talk of other partners.. don't stoop to their level. Go out on dates by all means, see other people but don't take them home with you or brag to your ex about them.
A spoonful of advice
- It can feel like your trapped when you're stuck living with your ex for a long time my biggest piece of advice is to GET OUT AS SOON AS YOU CAN! Save up for a new flat on your own or if it's more urgent then Gumtree is a great place to find people looking for flat mates. Either way, the most important thing is to get out that situation as fast as you can.
- On a similar note, GIVE YOUR EX SPACE. Living in that uncomfortable environment you start to feel drained of your happiness, I used to go out every weekend to limit my time in the flat and (I guess) renew my energy to deal with going back there.
- ALWAYS KNOW YOUR FINANCES! This one is major and something you need to know before you move in with a partner. Make sure you know exactly how much you pay for your bills, as it can be very easy for your ex to start demanding money off you pretending it's for bills. Equally you don't owe your ex a penny for anything they spent on you during your relationship. My ex wrote up a bill for me once we broke up, demanding I paid him back for all the money he had spent on me.. The relationship bill does not exist so don't pay it!
- BUILD UP AN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SYSTEM. When going through a break up it's important to have friends who have your back, it's even more important when you're living with the person you broke up with. Surround yourself with friends and family who you can talk to about everything and if you ever have to leave your flat after an argument you'll know you always have somewhere to go to.
My parting wisdom
Obviously you never want to end up in this situation so make sure you don't. If you're planning on moving in with your other half make sure you know exactly what you're getting yourself in for. Spend a week or so living together to make sure you are as compatible as you think you are. Moving in with a partner is always the make or break part of the relationship so it's important to be certain you can live together comfortably; before signing any 6 month leases!
However if you find yourself stuck living with your ex don't panic. Yes it will be a horrible part of your life but that's exactly what it is; part of your life. This is just a small section of the rest of your life and once you get through this you'll be a whole bunch stronger (believe me). Stay strong and stay positive, things can only get better from here.
Thanks for reading folks! I hope you guys found this helpful. Have any of you ever been stuck living with an ex? and if so how did you get through it? Let me know in the comments below :)
As always if you have any questions or need more advice on this topic, or other relationship matter, me and Cole and always here to help. You can contact us directly here > Get In Touch!
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Thanks and we'll see ya Friday!
Stay strong xx