Living With your Parents - Expectations and Advice
YO! April and Cole here again to fill you in with some more Monday wisdom! Today we're talking about living with your parents, and we don't mean living with them when you're a little kid! we're talking about living with them when you're pretty much an adult, whether you moved out then had to move back in or maybe you just haven't fledged the nest yet we've got some advice for ya!
What to Expect
- Being treated like a child
At the end of the day they're still your parents you're always going to be their baby. Regardless of your age you're probably still going to be treated like you did when you lived with them as a kid. Parents just want whats best for you, no it may not always seem like it but they do. Sometimes that means trying to protect you and other times it means trying to stop you growing up.
- paying yo diggs! (rent ;))
Unless your parents are super rich or too nice, you're probably going to be expected to pay some kind of rent. When I was living with my folks they only demanded a small rent from me to cover my food and expenses as our house was very small. However Cole's situation was different in the sense that he was house sharing with his mum therefore it was only fair he paid half the rent. Regardless of the situation you're going to be expected to contribute something to the house hold.
- Lack of personal space
This ones a big one especially if you've had to move back in with your parents after having a flat of your own. Like I said before you're still their baby no matter what age you are so there are no boundaries of personal space set up. You may find them barging into your room or shouting on you to come to them time and time again.
- Future prospects
Living with your folks can be hard as you can start to feel trapped. Sometimes it's difficult to see how you'll find a way out of that situation which can really affect your mental wellbeing. You may find that paying too much in diggs, or not knowing what you want to do with your life can leave you feeling stuck in the same place.
- lack of freedom
This is almost the same as lack of personal space, as when you're living with your folks having friends round (especially romantic partners) can be quite awkward. Not only that but sometimes you feel bad having your own life and going out, leaving your parents at home. Parents are naturally going to worry about you so if you are quite sociable and like to go out, expect regular text or calls like "when will you be home?"
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT?!
- Act like an adult
You're not a kid anymore so don't let them treat you like one! Do your own washing, clean your own room and don't let them think it's okay to come to your every need. Yes I know I'm telling you to do house work but it's important to act like the adult you are. This can lead to some confrontation which nobody likes. Believe me your parents don't want to fight you, but if you want them to not see you as a child and more like the adult you are. Then you need to be ready to have some uncomfortable talks.
- Don't be a dick about rent
You're living under their roof, eating their food... don't take advantage of them, pay your rent. On a side note; if you're parents are charging you a butt load for staying in the house then maybe it would be cheaper to move into your own flat?.. I'm just saying 😉 Depending on your situation and your parents situation rent prices can vary. If your parents earn a lot and live very comfortably then they may only expect £50-100 per month as that covers your electric/Water/bits n bobs. If they don't do too well they may ask a higher amount from you. Maybe £200-300. If this is the case don't fight and argue about how unfair it is because "Yer pal Joe only pays £50." Try to understand that if they are asking this much it might be because they are not as well off as you may think they are. If you feel the amount is too much, you can always negotiate and maybe do more house work to lower your costs.
- Set boundaries
Its important to maintain your personal space so set some boundaries. Perhaps keep your room private so at least you know that's your space. Telling your parents that you need space can always help, mutual respect and communication are your best buds in this situation. Try to treat your parents more like your friends or room mates than your actual parents. If you can see them in this way and have them see you the same then setting boundaries becomes much easier.
Yes you're gonna feel trapped but it's important to remember you're going to find a way out even if it seems hopeless now. Sometimes the most unexpected thing can happen and you'll realise that all the worrying was for nothing!
- Remember it's only temporary
This is a stay sane tactic for any difficult time; this just temporary, you'll find a way out and you can begin the rest of your life. Nothing in life is permanent. Even if you plan something to be or try to avoid change. Change is inevitable. Wether your house burns down or you win the lottery. Wether theres a loss in the family or a new romance blooms. Anything can throw a spanner into the perfect plan. Embrace changes as they come. As my mate Dave used to always say to me "Hope for the best, Plan for the worst"
COLE'S HELPFUL HANDY HINTS!
When I moved back in with my Mum after living in my own flat for four years it was a very difficult transition. From having a full house to myself to being confined to a tiny room was a challenge to get used to. However I have nothing but respect and admiration for my Mum so I made the best of a bad situation and helped out in every way I could. I tried to be there for my Mum as much as I knew she'd be there for me. In doing this, and becoming best friends with her made living together not only bearable, but enjoyable. My mum was very respectful of my space and was happy for me to do my own cleaning and washing after a clear conversation about it. Bills were split fairly and we happily lived our own lives. At this time in my life I didn't have much prospects for the future other than to try and save up for some new kit and a few holidays. But when April unexpectedly entered my life everything changed and Myself, Mum and April all embraced it.
So how did I do it?
- I asked for honesty. I requested that my Mum and me both made clear our finances so we could fairly sort out any bills. I also insisted that I was allowed my own space to do what I wanted and to not be questioned constantly about things.
- I became friends. I'd often ask Mum to go for coffee or a wander round the shops at weekends. Not because I felt obliged or lacked friends, but because I am genuinely friends with my Mum and her company is very enjoyable. Being able to have a laugh with her and share interests built on the friendship, it made living at home easier.
- I made her aware of my intentions. From the second I gave up my flat and moved home I made it very clear to all my family that change would happen and I'd embrace it. Wether that meant going back to college and moving away, getting a job abroad or moving back in with friends. I made it very clear that whatever possibility might enter my life i'd embrace it. By doing this it meant that there was no unwelcome surprises from me and that I'd just up and leave at any moment without warning. By preparing from before even moving in my Mum could be ready for when the day eventually came that everything would change.
Well that's your lot! I hope you've enjoyed reading and if you have any questions or need any advice on this or another topic hit us up here!
Have you ever been forced to move back in with your parents? Let us know your experience in the comments below!
Don't forget to check out the matching video of this blog post if you wanna see our beautiful faces! CHECK IT HERE!
Stay cool ya'll see you Friday!
April and Cole xx